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David Isaacs, Ph.D.

A responsible person accepts the consequences of personal actions, be they intentional (resulting from decisions taken or accepted) or unintentional, so that others either benefit as much as possible or, at least, do not suffer. Such a person is also concerned that others should act similarly.

Listen Well

O. Durr has said “responsibility means responding . . . to another’s call, another human being ourselves and ultimately God. However, if we are to respond we will have had to learn to listen and hear.”[1] Obedience means to take the will of another as one’s own. One seeks to interpret the will of the other and act according to the spirit of that will. The Latin root for obedience is related to the word audire which means, to hear.

This leads us to easily see the importance of the education of obedience during the first stage of a young child’s life as a means of preparing for responsibility. It also provides a very practical consideration for the education of both virtues. Parents will find the time they spend teaching their children to “listen well” as being well spent. This can involve helping the children discipline themselves when being spoken to and being able to confirm what they have heard. It will thus help for the parents to be more concise so that it is easier for the child to hear it all. Respect for another who is talking at the dinner table is a most natural way of teaching children to listen well. Parents who are attentive to each child’s patience and response will get significant criteria for judging how the children are listening. (Communicating with children is discussed in more detail in Formation in Christian Love: Volume One, Family Life Education.)

This same dynamic is developed at school when a good teacher carefully explains a task or provides information. Encouraging the child to use a notebook to write down instructions and assignments is most essential. It is also helpful for children to learn to take notes when a teacher is speaking. In some cases this may only involve capturing the primary point or a key sentence but this will be helpful to develop better listening skills.

Respond to Somebody

Listening well leads to a response. Parents give their children instructions and expect them to be carried out. Teachers do the same and may provide pressure for the child to do so. Children also learn to respond to other children in informal play and also in formal games and competition such as athletics. A child may practice a drill on their own so that when they come together with their team they are prepared to respond to the team. This is a form of responsibility just as listening to the coach’s instructions and trying to carry them out would be.

During the educational stages children also develop a conscience, which also demands their response. It is the conscience, which works out the commitment to do a thing and what one actually does. It is therefore the conscience, which urges a child to do a thing well. Thus, the lesson of teaching children to do their work or tasks well helps to develop a good conscience.

When parents see that a child does their schoolwork the child sees the parents as partly responsible and thus may make greater effort out of his sense of duty and love for his parents. Later on, if he realizes his work is a way to personal sanctification, he may increase his efforts out of love of God as well as out of duty.”[2]

Find more about mid-childhood in

Formation in Christian Love

Volume 3:

Secondary Age of Innocence

$24.95

Decisions

Responsibility not only requires taking the liability for decisions made by others but also to make decisions oneself.

Children first learn to do what they are told and learn to obey well.
This should lead to considering the significance of benefiting others as much as possible.
In this way children begin to develop a personal motive for doing things.
This helps the child to overcome the tendency to do what is minimally required and consider what is actually required. That is they seek to be true to the spirit of the request.

E.g. If mom says to “put your clothes in the closet” one would consider that mom doesn’t mean throw them into a heap in the closet but rather to hang them up as neatly as possible.

Minimal or Maximum Effort

An important objective in educating responsibility is that a child learns the difference between sufficiency and proficiency. One may tend to do the least amount possible in order to get the job done. This will lead to a minimization of one’s gifts, talents and capacities. We all know examples of people who got by because their were naturally gifted in some area and put little effort to exert themselves only to eventually have it catch up to them. There are others who took a lesser talent for studies, for example, and yet with hard work produced significantly to obtain a sound education and professional competency. So parents need to see that children do not just do a thing but do a thing well. This will help develop an attitude that is necessary for giving oneself to a vocation. What man would ask a woman to marry him by saying, “What’s the least I have to do to get along with you?” or “I only want to give you the least amount of myself and my love. I don’t want you to be really happy.” Learning to do things well also prepares for a responsible life of faith and overcomes the minimal attitude towards religious practice.

Excuses and “Jumping on the Band Wagon”

There are a couple of other deviations of responsibility. The first is the habitual tendency to make excuses and the second is to not commit until one sees that the enterprise will be successful. In America we call a form of this, “jumping on the band wagon.” It is common for young people to make excuses. They may want to avoid punishment or to have someone think ill of them. They should be told that it is better to take the consequences of one’s faults and failures than to try to deceive oneself or others. Fortitude is necessary for the practice of responsibility so that if we accept decisions but are not able to carry them out we may act so that others might not suffer.[3] For example a group of students may be given various individual tasks to complete a project. However, since one student has not fulfilled his obligation the project is in jeopardy and the group will suffer. Since the student cannot complete the task on his own due to his own irresponsibility it takes courage to inform the others and work so that the project can be completed and they will not suffer.

A continuation of this article may be found in Formation in Christian Love, Volume 3: Secondary Age of Innocence by Dr. Patrick J. DiVietri.

This discussion may also be found in its entirety in Professor Isaacs' book,

Character Building: A Guide for Parents and Teachers

published by Four Courts Press and available through Scepter Press.

Link to Scepter press

Character Building: A Guide for Parents & Teachers

Order Book!

[1] O. Durr, La obediencia del nino, Barcelona 1968, 37-38.

[2] David Isaacs, Character Building, (Dublin: Four Courts Press), 1976, p. 75.

[3] Ibid. p. 76.

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