Sex Education in Childhood Age 6

		Home \| About Us \| Products \| Search \| Site Map \| What's New

Sex Education in Childhood Age 6-13): BASIC PRINCIPLES

Copyright reserved, Original text by Prof. Jose Benigno Freire. 1990, Instituto de Ciencias de la Educacion. UNIVERSIDAD DE NAVARRA

From conception onwards, the human being is male or female. The child is thus by nature either male or female, which implies that by education and consolidating the patterns of masculine or feminine development we can help the child to acquire his or her genuine sexual identity. Full sexuality -adult sexuality- is an evolutionary process in which strands of growth and maturation are interwoven. In other words, there is no such thing as what is popularly known as “child sexuality”. As we said, the child is male or female, and this entails a combination of personal developmental characteristics and phenomena which make up the difference between the sexes. This whole dynamic process is one of organic training and functional integration which makes possible the appearance of differentiated (adult) sexuality at the end of childhood. Before the child has reached the minimum levels of mature differentiated sexuality, one cannot strictly talk of phenomena which are sexual in nature, only of phenomena which are gender-based.

Biological maturity sets in once the changes of puberty have taken place; psychological maturity, which is part of sexuality, is said to be reached around mid-adolescence; the integration of the spiritual, psychological and biological layers in one unique human experience -sexual maturity- is not achieved until the end of the adolescent period (age 17-20).

At the stage which forms the subject of this module (age 6-13), bearing in mind the facts mentioned above, we are faced with two clearly determined periods:

a) A gradual and progressive increase in sexual interest and curiosity, which as yet shows no manifestations of differentiated (adult) sexuality. Chronologically speaking, this phase lasts until the child is 10-12 years old. The end of this process cannot be fixed more definitively, as it varies from one individual to another, the differences being mainly biologically determined, and biology is influenced by numerous variable factors which may be physical, climatic, nutritional, etc.

b) The birth and awakening of differentiated sexuality with the bodily changes proper to pre-puberty and the chaos of puberty (age 10-13).

A) CHILDHOOD

As has been indicated, during childhood there is a gradual and progressive increase of interest in and curiosity about sexual matters. The child’s curiosity is not limited to the subject of sex, but extends to all the aspects of reality which surround him, as it is an expression of the socialization process which he is undergoing. Sexual curiosity is thus basically just one more manifestation of the child’s discovery of reality. As the child advances in maturity, his sexual curiosity takes on increasingly emotional overtones. The development of sexual interest runs hand in hand with curiosity; at first it is of an undifferentiated kind, but then the child gradually finds himself drawn more and more towards sexual subjects and phenomena.

Let us now consider what constitutes the appropriate educational attitude towards this aspect of human development. We should take care not to place the child in situations which stimulate or exacerbate sexual curiosity. We must remember that a child of this age is not yet capable of thinking logically. Logical intelligence is no more than the technical expression used to describe adult modes of thought, the first stages of which tend not to appear until the age of 11. Before this, the child simply reasons with the concrete data gleaned from his everyday experience. In order to understand those experience which go beyond observable reality, he does not have recourse to causal explanations but rather to magical thinking, that is, to mysterious or unknown forces which bring about these incomprehensible phenomena by virtue of their own powers, logically enough according to a child’s thought-patterns (phase known as ‘symbolic magic”). Intellectual immaturity may mean that a child finds something incomprehensible which seems completely logical to an adult. Therefore those questions or experiences which exceed his level of maturity may be shrouded in darkness or fraught by conflict, and although this is interpreted as sexual in nature, it is in fact nothing more than an intellectual phenomenon (a simple doubt).

Curiosity should, as far as possible, follow the course of development of the individual child. In an atmosphere of trust within the family, the child should be able to unburden his doubts an give rein to his interests and curiosities spontaneously. Must we answer his questions? Of course, but we must take care. In the first place, we have to adapt our response to the mentality of the child, so that he understands properly. This means that we have to have understood what he is asking us. The procedure is to “ask again”, as language acquires nuances in the adult and in the child. And then, of course, we answer the question which the child has asked, providing the information which is appropriate for the child’s development. It is not yet time for imparting sex education, it is simply a matter of answering the questions.

This in not the right moment for sex education because the child is, at this stage, still incapable of logical thought. The child’s intelligence slowly and gradually shakes off the symbolic, magic elements and turns towards concrete objectives and experiences. This means that the information we give should take into account the atmosphere of magic, the tone of the fairytale, and aim to avoid causal reasoning. It does not need to be complete, but should restrict itself to answering what the child wants to know. As with all learning processes, sex education must be successive and sequential, it should be given little by little, not in one or two sessions. This is a matter of common sense. After all, what adult remembers one childhood conversation with his father which lasted half and hour? It will be just the same for our children. We should tell them what we have to tell little by little, in answer to their questions. What types of questions to children of this age ask? With a broad margin of flexibility in chronology, and a certain constancy in order, we can distinguish the following phases: differences between men and women (many of these questions belong to early childhood); meaning of pregnancy; the father’s part in causing gestation; explanation of menstruation and ovulation, and of semen, as elements which contribute towards the formation of a new being. And if the child does not ask? When the children do not ask, it is usually for one of the following reasons: because they ask few questions about the world around them, that is, about an aspect of it; or because they do not feel close enough to their parents. To resolve the former problem, we must inspire children with enthusiasm; to improve the latter situation, we should try to get closer to our children. If a lack of curiosity in the area of sexuality becomes obvious, it is a good idea to inquire into its causes and initiate, as delicately as possible, conversation which will encourage confidence.

It is sensible to use the common language of normal family conversation, which is at once accurate and modest. Technical language is not comprehensible to children (in fact, it often bewilders adults). If the correct vocabulary is not applied modestly, it may seem crude, unrestrained, or even coarse. In short, language should be both correct and modest.

At this age a type of behavior is common which we could classify under the general heading of “a taste for obscenities” (dirty jokes, coarse comments, expressions and gestures). This corresponds to the growing interest in sexual matters; it starts out as curiosity and ends up, at the end of childhood, as an interest in sex. By this time it even contains a certain emotional element which marks the beginning of a sexual component. No particular importance should be given to this phenomenon. Under normal conditions, the only possible consequence would be a failure to grow out of this behavior pattern. The educator’s task is to put a rapid stop to this sort of behavior as soon as it appears, attacking it vigorously but at the same time not making an issue of it: in concrete, that means “pulling a wry face”.

B) PRE-PUBERTY (AGE 10-13)

Differentiated sexuality comes into being in the course of biological development. Only when the first biological changes set in can we strictly start to talk about phenomena which are sexual in nature. These are, of course, only incipient, since sexual maturity has not yet been attained, but already they are, by definition, changes which are sexual in content. This transition period towards adult sexuality is characterized by three processes of growth and maturation:

Anatomical and physiological changes which lead to the acquisition of the size, shape and functions of the adult organism and the maturations of the sexual organs. These anatomical and physiological modifications have reverberations in the person’s psychological make-up, influencing the variations in state of mind, and consequently, in character.
The undifferentiated attraction towards sexual objects, which is normal in childhood, turns into sexual stimulations or arousal of the senses, which is a direct effect of the physical changes.
The biological changes begin to be mirrored in the world of the emotions. This begins as something which cannot be described as psychological, but rather as a reflection in the mind of what is happening in the body, emotional upheaval caused by hormonal change. Maturity implies a balance between biological stimuli and their emotional response, and vice versa.

Understanding of the changes which are taking place at this stage shows us that this is the appropriate time for sex education. Parents and educators have to be warned not make the mistake of letting sex education turn into sexual provocation.

This education should not be reduced to cold facts as the young person who is its object is particularly sensitive towards the sensory and emotional aspects of the issue. The information imparted must be integrated into the realm of experience. Everything related to sex now takes on a personal note: the whole person reacts to any information or stimulation, it influences his behavior and excites or inhibits his emotional life. This is why it has to be individual, so that the educator has control not only of the subject matter, but also the effects this is having on the young person (in terms of feelings and stimuli). What is more, the emotional life is an integral part of sexual maturity, and is thus an area which merits the careful attention of the educator. At this age more than ever, because of the subject matter itself and the immaturity of the child, what we say must be carefully adapted to the child’s own needs, that is, individualized, and expressed with special attention to modesty.

During this phase it is always beneficial to be one step ahead of the child’s curiosity, particularly when explaining bodily changes. As far as possible it is best to be only slightly ahead of the child’s questions so as not to risk filling him with anxieties about things which he really does not understand, in either physical or intellectual terms, even though harmful effects are usually more likely to be the result of bad information than bad timing.

Following the course or the maturation process, the information we give must take in three successive but interrelated stages:

a)   Explanation of the anatomical and physiological changes which characterize puberty, with information about their function and their effects on the personality. In concrete, this must include: rapid growth (different in girls and boys), appearance of secondary sexual characteristics (hair under arms and pubic hair, breaking of voice, need to shave, etc.) and the maturation of the primary sexual characteristics. The parents must provide accurate and complete information on these points.

b)   Education about sexual arousal, explaining its purpose and the means of moderating it. On this point it is wise to emphasize at least two basic ideas. On the one hand, arousal is a biological process which drives towards satisfaction, which means that the more intense it becomes, the more difficult it is to contain. The logical response is therefore to prevent rather than cure, to nip in the bud and not to instigate anything which could lead to sexual excitement. The second idea, which follows on from the first, is that if the impulse is not satisfied, true to its biological origin, it loses intensity as time goes by; moreover, biology itself has established laws and mechanisms for freeing the internal force of instinct and diverting surplus hormonal production.

c)   Guide and encourage deliberate self-education with regard to the emotional life: emotions, feelings, passions.

The information given should be clear and precise, though not necessarily detailed. It should be comparable to the level of instruction which the child receives in other areas of his life, and not occupy a privileged or a neglected position. Furthermore, it must be gradual, and not be crammed into one session. Attention should also be paid to the language used (see above).

Both when meeting the requirements of the child and when imparting sex education, a twofold principle must be applied: common sense and an awareness of the wider context. Common sense means putting oneself in the other person’s position, trying to understand and adapt to the real needs and developmental possibilities of the child.

Awareness of the wider context means seeing sexuality in its place within the natural order: fertility as a primary effect of human love. Sexuality is part of love, belongs to love, is orientated towards love (Viktor E. Frankl). If the context of human love is missing, sex education is nothing more than a zoology lesson. Whereas consideration of the mysterious reality of the transmission of human life as participation in God’s creative power, and of the ontological profundity of a human act which establishes and expresses in one unique experience all the biological, psychological and spiritual components of loving, inspires the child with a sense of the greatness and beauty of human love.

Please be aware that another website is using the Family Life Institute and Dr. DiVietri's name without authorization. Considering the nature of the website and the contents it links to we are not naming the imposter website or giving a link to it. The Family Life Institute is currently seeking what recourse it can take to stop the activities of the website in question.