Priest Orientation Guide

Part 1:

Procedure for utilizing the Autobiography

1.  Present the Autobiography Tool questions to the couple at the first meeting when the Orientation for marriage preparation is provided.

2.  Introduce couple to notion of autobiography. Your enthusiasm will be  contagious.

• An aid to putting their thoughts and feelings in their own words so that their fiancee & the priest may better understand them.

• It will allow the couples to contribute to their own preparation in a more personal way. 

• It identifies areas that are important to raise in later sessions.

• The autobiography will cause them to think about their own past and how their own family prepared them for marriage

• e.g. Standards, goals, feelings, attitudes, experiences and habits 

• The reflection will cause them to think about the preparation of their own children

• The couples will learn the value of identifying problems during marriage preparation so that if/when they arise during the marriage, they will be better able to deal with them.

• It will help the couple to get to know each other in a different way.

• The process will be valuable to the couple, even if you do not read their autobiography or discuss it with them.  However, it is strongly advised that you do read them.

5.      Inform them that they will complete the autobiography at home and return it to you at the next meeting.  You may review what they write and respond at your discretion during your normal pastoral instruction sessions.  (Note: if the couple would prefer not to write but rather verbally present the information to you, the priest has the option of whether or not to do so.  The discipline of writing although more difficult, will be much more fruitful for them.)

6.      Explain what will be done when they are finished:

• You will identify positive factors that will contribute to the future relationship as well as help the couple recognize obstacles to overcome through patience, understanding, grace and mutual cooperation.

• The autobiographies will be returned to the couples

Priest Orientation Guide

Part 2:

Procedure after couple returns completed questions to you:

Read what the couples write and respond to what strikes you or stands out.  You may see:

• instances of Divine Providence at work 

• positive attitudes or dynamics that will prove fruitful in the future

• areas which you want to look into

E.g. Individuals frequently accept a divorce of their parents by responding, “My parents are better off divorced because they were unhappy and hurt each other so much.” There is a need for the couple to consider the possible confusion and form a clearer intent towards their vow and how they may respond in times of trouble and pain.

You may be concerned about problems that may surface and how to respond to them.

1.  Some may be unwilling to share abuse or violence. 

• Nevertheless you can explain that their right to marry will not be impaired by answering the questions. 

• Most commonly, people are not likely to reveal information when they do not feel it is safe to do so.

2.  Should you always discuss answers with the couple both present?

• You would follow your normal pastoral wisdom, considering the issue in relation to the future marriage, “Is this something that the future spouse must know before entering marriage?”  Is it a matter which calls for discretion and perhaps privacy?

3.  What if one person expresses a desire his/her future spouse should not know something? e.g. previous sexual encounters

• How would you deal with any issue that was presented to you in this context?