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One of the most effective and practical counsels that can be given to one who struggles with temperance and continence to control the passion of anger to recommend frequent reception of the sacrament of Penance.  It is advised that one go to confession weekly.[1]  The sacrament not only reconciles one God but it also provide grace to resist temptation and increase in the necessary virtue.  Furthermore, it brings healing to the wounds that are related to the anger.  Men especially benefit from this practice.  A common result is that men report having a cushion of emotional space in that they do not immediately fire out in anger but notice a pause, which allows them to make a choice to go forward or withdraw. 

To this practice one can help the person to understand the nature of anger and its causes as well as how the memories influence it as well as other factors.  Adding the prudential discussion on what things lead up to the point of anger and developing the discipline of walking away and not striking out adds a sound foundation.

A very helpful and practical intervention is to encourage the person to write a letter expressing their feelings.  However, they should not send the letter off.  This will enable them to get the emotions out and calm themselves down.  Because it is written they will feel a certain pleasure and sense of justice to see it concretely laid out before them.  After a time they can return to the letter and look for the one clear and reasonable statement that expresses their sense of injustice and the issue they want to address.  Next, they can rewrite the letter under the awareness of charity toward the beloved seeking to understand and forgive and thus reconcile with the beloved.  When there is a breakdown in the communication process which are compounded by interpersonal dynamics it often happens that people do not say the most natural thing which the situation warrants.  For example, a young man talked about how his father would remain absolutely silent on the phone while the young man would tell his father about how and what he was doing.   The father would make absolutely no response.  The obvious question would be, “Dad, what are you thinking about what I just said?”  However, the young man said that no one would ever ask such a question in his family.  Therefore, in writing these letters, the objective is to look for the idea that was natural to speak but was not said. 

When dealing with important letters, such as reconciling with a parent for past wounds, it is helpful to bring the letter to the spiritual director who can then advise them if the letter possesses sufficient benevolence and is appropriate to send. 

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