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What’s the Escape Hatch? It comes from the tendency toward self preservation. It is the irascible passion that seeks flight from an evil. “I will get out of relationship in hope of ending the pain.” Dynamics The other spouse or relationship is source of pain. There is a hope that separating will end pain. Idea of separating grows more appealing & brings false sense of peace. What’s it take to stay? It takes a commitment to fight for relationship and not against the beloved. One must make decisions for relationship. Each decision toward relationship deepens love & happiness. The hope that difficulty will be overcome; that the beloved may change; that the pain may end or that some good may come from this all lighten the pain. The trust in God and hope that He will bring the couple through is an ultimate recourse. Small successes produce hope Decisions to preserve deepen love between the couple. Small success gives hope for future encounters and creates optimism from the resourcefulness that is felt and the trust in the beloved. Cynicism destroys love Cynicism is an expression of contemptuous distrust. It stems from the pleasure of thinking badly about the beloved’s behavior and potential and acting it out in some way. It is similar to the cynicism that is so common in sports. People can commonly be observed yelling insults at their favorite team while watching a game on the TV. By screaming that the team one loves is a collection of bums, one brings pleasure from the stating the insult and predicting defeat. Thus, one can say, “I knew they would lose.” One does not have to be vulnerable in the way that hope in the beloved demands. This is a poor consolation, however, because not only does it weaken the growth of character, it closes out beloved and protects oneself. Thus it is selfish and immature. Hope, in God and in the beloved, however, overcomes cynicism. Love demands risks & vulnerability and hope makes one vulnerable. So rather in hoping that one will fail, one hopes that the beloved will succeed and come through. Even in set backs and defeats, the hope prevails and deepens love. |
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Please be aware that another website is using the Family Life Institute and Dr. DiVietri's name without authorization. Considering the nature of the website and the contents it links to we are not naming the imposter website or giving a link to it. The Family Life Institute is currently seeking what recourse it can take to stop the activities of the website in question.
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